MSc completed

That’s it. Printed, bound and submitted. Three months of long days in the lab, countless sleepless nights in the library and it’s all over, MSc done. I stood outside of my course organiser’s office and contemplated my life without RNA. At first I felt lost and a bit disorientated, then I realised that I was severely sleep deprived and got myself home. As I lay in my bed the feeling of relief took over and I slept the sleep of angels. The relief is still overwhelming and know I can focus on my happiness and excitement at enjoying my summer and preparing for Warwick!

So in the midst of all the work and frustration I had the Acceptance Day at Warwick. It was a bit surreal walking into the medical teaching building and not having to convince anyone to pick me. Seeing all my future course mates it finally sank in that I will be a medical student come September. I even discovered that some people in my current Uni are due to start medicine this year too, its crazy that we met in Warwick when we’ve been sharing a building for the best part of a year.

We were ushered in the lecture theatre and bless them Warwick really tried to make it seem like we would all be ok. It wasn’t until the Q&A that they finally let us know the truth. Don’t get me wrong I always knew medicine would involve a lot of work but I didn’t know we only get two weeks of summer holidays after the first year! Well, as it was pointed out, it isn’t an abbreviated course it is an intensive course. Aside from that revelation I thoroughly enjoyed the whole day and it made coming back to the lab a bit anticlimactic. That was a month ago, a long arduous month full of pipetting, journal reading and procrastination.

Oh and I’ve found out I’ll be a resident tutor next year, so that’s accommodation sorted. Just need to get student finance so that I won’t be totally destitute when I start Uni in September, I’ve got a couple of weeks of invigilating so I should have some pennies when I start and free accommodation helps. Now that this MSc is over my excitement is returning and I’m looking forward to focusing on preparing for medicine and enjoying one of the last long summer I have left. 

Filling in the gap

I am slightly ashamed at the length of time that has passed since my last post. Just a little over two months ago I received my offer from Warwick. I have just gotten use to the fact that I will be a doctor one day, though I still glow a bit inside when I think about it. There have been a couple of things going on since my last post namely exams and starting my project.

So exams… Throughout April I closeted myself in the library and tried to inhale as much information about the brain and nerves as possible. On the whole it worked out pretty well and the exams went smoothly a good test of knowledge acquired over the year. All except Module 3: Neurology in Clinical Practice… Seriously, it was like being trained as a chef and then being sent into war, armed only with a spatula and wooden spoon. The whole exam was an exercise is imagination, creative writing and cruelty. I think the thought behind it was to make it challenging for everyone… including the doctors, some of whom have already specialised in neurology! Why not just fulfil the purpose of a test and examine taught knowledge. Honest to God, one of the questions asked was ‘who was the founder of the university?’ Really you have me here learning about localisation, pharmacology and electrophysiology and ask me foolishness like that! The answer wasn’t even Google-able (believe me, I searched). Even the doctors, had to call upon years of training to get through the exam. At one point I had to use information gathered from a novel I once read in Year 8 to answer a question about delirium because not at any one point had we covered the topic. Well as you can imagine there was a mini uproar, in the end and the programme leader tried to assure us that the matter would be “looked into” and if there was a “general trend” the marking would be adjusted accordingly. We just have to wait and see.

Exams ended rather well, all things considered, and we immediately started our projects. This time around I am doing a lab project, which I was very keen to do. In my 3^rd year I did a history project; a case study that looked at the relationship between the government and forensic psychiatry. It was very interesting but not very investigative and I felt I missed out on experiencing real scientific research. So now I am in the lab looking after cells, running western blots and generally being clever. That’s the thing about working in the lab, it can make you feel like you know things, even though when it comes down to it you are just following steps and producing pretty pictures. It can be hard work though and slightly soul-destroying when your blots come out a smudged mess, but it is mostly really satisfying.

Oh! Most importantly my Warwick offer is now unconditional! So there should be no surprises come September. My DBS (aka CRB) certificate is complete and even student finance seems to be functioning properly. So I am slowly getting more and more prepared for Warwick this autumn. We have the offer day in just over two weeks and I am soo excited, it feels more and more real with each day. Just need to sort out accommodation and I really will be ready!

Acceptance

“Happiness can exist only in acceptance.” – George Orwell

Of course Orwell probably meant something philosophically profound like loving yourself or the world around you, but for me, at this moment in time, happiness is the fact that come September I will be an undisputed medical student!

I certainly have not felt the level of happiness as when I read the email subject heading: Warwick offer for Joint Degree of Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery

Yes, that is correct subject to the submission of a Fitness to Practice form I shall commence my medical degree this autumn! My joy knows no limit!

The wait was agonising, but sooo worth it! I got the email when I was in the library, supposedly revising for my exams next week. I received very weird looks from people around me because of the squeal I released when I got the email and the laboured breathing that followed. The sheer relief that I will never be plagued with the UKCAT and UCAS, and elation that I am to begin living  my dream, was just so overwhelming. I wanted to laugh, shout and cry all at the same time. Needless to say I packed up sharpish and headed home, to let my family know and squeal to my heart's content. I got home to much jubilation and cake! I can always count on my family to celebrate properly, even with very little notice. 

It has been a long journey, after three years completing a BSc Neuroscience degree, a gap year slogging away in retail purgatory, a very intense MSc degree, not to mention three failed UCAS attempts; Glory to God: I have made it! I find myself within the hallowed circles of the initiated. Ok a tad melodramatic, but seriously after going through the whole application process four times over I feel like there should be some metaphysical manifestation of my acceptance.

… No? Well ok then. I’ll content myself with grinning like an absolute fool, dancing to no music and eating cake!

Fever Pitch

My medical application 2014 has reached critical point. I have now been officially rejected from Barts, Southampton and Birmingham. To be honest I’m not surprised; there was hope while they were doling out the interview invites, and even desperate dreams of a wait list offer as the interviews were in progress, but when people were discussing whether of not to firm offers from these institutions I realised that hope was futile and each of these universities were cruel. However, even with these realisations, common sense was not functioning when I received the UCAS updates. My heart stopped and my stomach flipped (especially Southampton, which came after my Warwick interview) when I logged into track to view my failure.

There remains only one hope that come 2018 I will become a junior doctor… That hope lies in the hands of the course selectors of Warwick Medical School. I keep asking myself what my contingency plan would be and honesty I have no clue. I can’t do another masters (though I am tempted), I refuse to do a PhD and spend 3/4 years not doing medicine, I have tried working and while aspects of it were enjoyable I refuse to be pressurised and made to care about inconsequential things (i.e. baguettes and the temperature of a bloody latte!). This leaves two options: Sleep for a year or get into medical school. Needless to say I prefer the latter… though I am known to indulge in a lie-in or two…

My mind keeps drifting back to the selection day, did my interviewer look bored as I babbled on about communication skills and helping people, should I have shouted more in the group task, did I spell my name correctly in the written task! Paranoia and anxiety are slowly edging into more of my waking hours. I have soo my revision to do for my exams I shouldn’t even have time to think about breathing let alone what I was doing two weeks ago, who react how and whether my shoes looked professional enough (should’ve gone with the low heels, for sure). Maybe all this worrying is a new cunning form of procrastination, to stop me from fully engaging in my current studies. If so, touché procrastination. Touché.

Selection Day

Today was the selection day for Warwick Medical School. I arrived in Coventry yesterday and spent the night in a Premier Inn, which was quite lovely especially the mini jams at breakfast (I love anything small… and sugar). I arrived at the Medical Teaching Centre early and registered, sorted out my documents and chatted with some of the other candidates. Everyone was really friendly and it was a very relaxed vibe. After a briefing the day began, we were assessed on three tasks: the group exercise, written exercise and interview. 

Group exercise

So this was the section I was most worried about due to the feedback I received back in 2012. I didn’t want to overcompensate for my previous performance and become an overbearing foghorn, but I was not going to be a shrinking violet either. To my surprise this section was the one of the most enjoyable; I made good input early on, which put me at ease and the whole group worked well together. At the end I even managed to forget I was being assessed.

Written exercise

This was always going to be a bit of a blind spot for me, just because there is no way of knowing what they are looking for. I tried my best to put down intelligent responses and apply common sense, but it is very difficult to gage my performance. The only good thing is that I finished the whole thing within time, whether that impacted on the quality of what I wrote is another matter altogether.

Interview

This was the best session, which is saying something considering how well the group session went. The lady interviewing me was very friendly but kept asking me ‘anything else?’ which unsettled me a bit until I suddenly began to talk about myself and realise I did have something else. I must admit I could have done with a bit more structure to my answers and they may have been a repeated sentiment or five, but on the whole I got out most of what I wanted to say

At the end we had a debrief where the head of admissions told us that out of the 545 people interviewed 230 people will be receive offers. Judging from the people I met in the selection centre the competition is going to be rife. Everyone seemed so credible and deserving of an offer that I don’t know how admissions are going to make their decisions. There’s nothing I can do about it now, the whole thing is in God’s hands.

Overall I am optimistic. I know optimism at this point is dangerous there is still so much uncertainty, I am not a good judge of my performance, I have no idea about my competition etc. But I have nothing else to go on at the moment and I have to choose to be hopeful. We have about three weeks wait till we hear their final decisions. The only hope for my sanity ironically is the impending deadline of our last essay next week and exams next month. O the joy…

Nearing an End

Time is racing by, back when I last posted I had two months until my interview now I have three weeks. I have been somewhat distracted from the stress of the medical application process by the latest essay and beginning my project. It’s quite good being back in the lab and the prospect of being scientific researcher as well as a doctor is exciting. Well as I get deeper into my project (more later) I can only anticipate time will travel that much faster. Another few blinks and this MSc will be over..

As it is, we are nearing the end of the taught component of course with only one more module to go. The last module was by far the greatest! Clinical neurology it was like being in specialist training, I found it the most challenging, as it was ultra clinical (I know, clues in the name…) our lectures assumed so much knowledge but in the end it pushed the non-medics to work harder and study more. There now is no question in my mind that my future will be involved with the brain. The only question is in which capacity: Psychiatry, Neurology or Surgery. I’ve narrowed it down to being a neurologist that consults in psych cases and performs emergency procedures, while conducting research of course. This role does not exist as yet, but I remain hopeful. I have been reassured that I have a lot of time to explore and make a more concrete (realistic) decision later, during or even after medical school. Right now we have quite a light module: Research methods and skills, which is great because it lends itself nicely to our projects and give some headspace for revision (which is vast!).

My interview at Warwick is fast approaching. I am worried about the level of preparation I need. I was so nervous in my last interview and I know I was quiet during the group exercise, but I have no clue about how to improve my performance. I am generally a contemplative person especially in unfamiliar situations, I like to think rather than rushing in, also the pressure not to appear competitive and forceful was at the forefront of my mind. I don’t want to say something for the sake of speaking, disagree with a perfectly reasonable point to appear original or repeat past mistakes by being too quiet. I also need to practice for the more traditional interview section of the day, which I can see myself easily taking for granted. In other related news, I was rejected from Barts about a week after hearing from Warwick and I have yet to hear anything from Southampton or Birmingham, so hope is dwindling. The news ranging from disappointing to nonexistent puts even more pressure on this interview, especially as Warwick may not only by my first choice but my only choice.

One step closer

So after all the whinging and whining yesterday, I woke up this morning determined to put things into perspective and concentrate on my latest essay. However, this decision promptly led to me watching the latest episode of American Dad. I was five minutes in when I was interrupted by a notification. A notification alerting me to this beautiful email:

Dear NeuroMed

Thank you for your application to the above course at The University of Warwick. We are delighted to be able to invite you to take part in the MB ChB Selection Centre…

Put simply, I am over the moon! I feel quite silly droning on and on yesterday about not hearing anything. But then again I am somewhat inclined to the theatrical… My interview is in March so I have about 2 months to prepare. I am one step closer to that offer of admission. Seriously if getting an offer is anything like getting an interview than I truly do not know how I will contain my excitement.